Retarder S wrote:Glad to hear your daughter has nothing serious Doge. I wish I could afford a couple grand for a personality test one day.
Nothing serious? Nothing serious?!!! NOTHING SERIOUS???!!!
Seriously, there is a real issue with anxiety and/or attention/self regulation in my daughter. That needs to be addressed and it won’t be easy. I really hope the tests in two weeks will give us greater clarity in telling causes (neurological vs affective) appart. I think it’s likely both, but one can contribute more or even drive (cause) the other.
My hypothesis are on the neurological front that weakness in executive function (basically ability to self regulate/self direct) causes anxiety as she has trouble doing/living up to her and our demands and expectations. Knowing there is a neurological weakness helps in, if nothing else, having us adopt a much more patient ´coaching’ approach. Meds are also a possibility, but that really would depend on the severity and real world impact of the deficit and I don’t think we are there.
On the more affective front there is (i) the freaky helicopter parents causing anxiety possibility and (ii) the her own self-imposed perfectionism. These two also become intertwined and difficult to tell appart and are probably both true and feed off each other. Even if we always talk to her appropriately, there is undeniably high expectations of the helicopter parent variety. My wife principally, but myself as well. She could have internalized this (even if never directly spoken) and feels the pressure. On the other hand, she also has decent cognitive ability and from what I’ve read that can itself cause perfectionism. Sorta like seeing what it can be/idealize and then feeling crappy for falling short.
In any event, I think this calls for important changes as bringing down her anxiety is to me the biggest priority (by far). I actually voiced this with the neuropsy and she fully agreed. I wanted to get this on record with my wife, so she also realizes. I think we have to be more laid back (which frankly is alot easier when she is well behaved as she has been lately, but quite hard when she is confrontational). Sorta carrot and stick aproach, with neither seeming always appropriate. Keep in mind she is intense. Reactions are strong in positive and negative emotions. But we need to be extremely even keel. There is also work to be done on her, to try to change her mental perception of herself and self-worth. That may need some counselling for her. Building up her self-esteem is the biggest issue here.
Yesterday was really good for my wife. It’s largely in line with what I’ve been thinking/saying to her, but she didn’t quite see it. She was quite surprised by my daughter’s results, mostly because she sees the more « homogenous » / even keel types in her class being more applied and doing better. I kept telling her that she’s more uneven, likely has self regulation issues, but her reasoning skills are of the very strong variety. She saw her abilities as more more of the strong-average variety. I saw my daughter’s reseults being strong-average, but the potential higher and that came out through the tendency to being very intense and overfocus, strong willed/not taking direction well/questionning authority, but also lacking focus in that she is driven by interests more than « must dos », etc. Anywho, she was surprised by the results and I think having it on paper and objective accomplishes the goal of the evaluation, being to get my wife and I on the same page and better understanding my daughter and acting in accordance to who she is. It’s not my wife’s fault, this way of being (a broad) is not her reality. It’s much closer to mine, so natural that I would spot it and better understand it.
So good things, we know she is « uneven » in ability (verbal skills, processing speed, working memory scores were good, but well behind « fluid reasoning » and analytical skills. Does not do well at all when timed. Is fidgety. May have attention/self control issues and most importantly has self-esteem issues that really are priority number one. Understanding her. Accepting her as she is (understanding is a big part of that). And finally getting her to understand herself and accept herself are were we are at now. So far, this thing has accomplished exactly what I wanted. If there are attention issues, those will be harder to tackle I think. Medication does not seem appropriate at this point (and can even increase anxiety as they are stimulants). So that will be more of a try to manage the weakness thing. I’m hoping we can really hop on to the self-esteem building and get her to really understand herself and accept herself. That’s like really important. Much more impactful on her life that the rest of this stuff.