The Olli Maatta is a 10 foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi Thread.

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Gordon Shumway
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The Olli Maatta is a 10 foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi Thread.

Post #1 by Gordon Shumway » Sat Oct 19, 2013 5:14 pm

This kid is fucking rock solid, tough decision to keep him or send him back to the London Knights and beast it up under Dale Hunter.
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Post #2 by VLoo » Mon Nov 04, 2013 8:58 pm

They use his foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.

He named the band ShaNaNa. They did not want to be called that.
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Post #3 by Gordon Shumway » Wed Nov 06, 2013 10:55 pm

He'd eat a hobo if you dared him.
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Post #4 by VLoo » Wed Nov 06, 2013 11:31 pm

He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
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Post #5 by Gordon Shumway » Thu Nov 07, 2013 5:43 pm

He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith and Wesson.
Maatta went public with his own buttocks and made seven million.
Did I ever tell you about the time Maatta went hunting? Well anyway, Maatta decides he's gonna hunt down all four members of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all beg for their lives, except Fleagul.
We once had a bachelor party for Maatta. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Maatta once hosted the Grammy's and gave every award to Cory Hardt.
He has a toenail on the end of his penis.
Maatta got his wife pregnant, and she gave birth to a delicious sixteen ounce steak. The afterbirth was sautéed mushrooms.
Maatta's family crest is a picture of a barracuda, eating Neil Armstrong.
Maatta's ranked eighteenth in the AP College Football Poll.
Did I ever tell you about the time Maatta was in a production of The King and I? Well anyway, before the show, Maatta chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
He breast feeds John Madden.
If you drop a phonograph needle on Maatta's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys Pet Sounds.
Maatta directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels.
He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
All the Yes album covers are Maatta family photos.
Darryl Dawkins has a summer home in Maatta's groin.
Did I ever tell you about the time Maatta taught his son how to drive? Well anyway, Maatta taught his son how to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Maatta said, It would have happened sometime.
Maatta's semen can form into a liquid human. Like that guy from Terminator 2.
Maatta still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.
He thinks the Iron Man is gay.
He framed Roger Rabbit.
Maatta used to ride upon a steed, perchance to spy a lady.
The character of Johnny Appleseed was based onMaatta , except for the part about planting apple trees and not raping men.
He gave a handjob to a manta ray.
He cornered the market on booze.
Olli Maatta is a son of a bitch.
Did I ever tell you about the time Olli Maatta forced me to wear a woman's bikini? Well anyway, Maatta tears off my clothes and forces me to wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing only a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily, but Ill be damned if at the end of the quarter my sales hadn't tripled.
One time I asked Maatta to dress up as Santa for a Christmas party I was having for my children. Anyway, Maatta shows up as Santa, says I've got goodies for you kids. He reaches into his bag and proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says There's no Santa cause I ate him!
You know he sheds his skin once a year.
I once saw him scissor kick Angela Lansberry.
Did I ever tell you about the time Maatta and I went horseback riding, but there weren't any horses around? Anyway, Maatta throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn't ya know it, my stamina increased with each day, and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Maatta decides to enter me into the Breeders Cup under the name Turkish Delight. And I'm running in second place, and I'm running, and I break my ankle. So anyway, they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, Don't shoot him, hes a human.
Ya know, he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
Like an alligator he can fully digest a turtle shell.
His favorite TV movie is The Boy In The Plastic Bubble starring John Travolta.
Olli Maatta is an eight foot two ton monster who can palm a medicine ball.
So anyway, Maatta would put on a white tie and tails and walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Maatta had to shoot the maid.
Maatta would use his own thigh as an anvil.
Ya know, it was the sight of Maatta's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.
He showers in grain alcohol.
He uses the Shroud of Turin as a gold towel.
He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
His first name is Olli.
He makes every woman that sleeps with him refer to him as Bear Bryant.
He once ate the Bible while water skiing.
He once had sex with a cigarette machine.
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Post #6 by VLoo » Thu Nov 07, 2013 8:56 pm

.... So it's like that is it? Thought we had a little thing going on.
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Post #7 by Gordon Shumway » Thu Nov 07, 2013 8:59 pm

I'm sure I missed a few.
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