Panthers fans and other urban legends

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Panthers fans and other urban legends

Post #1 by senate » Sat Aug 17, 2013 1:34 am

This thread is for discussing modern day folklore like big foot, UFOs, Republicans women who give good blow jobs, or people in Miami who know what ice hockey is.

Please don't post any ridiculous stories about cartoonishly fake things like law abiding Canuck fans or the g-spot.
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Post #2 by senate » Sat Aug 17, 2013 1:36 am

I heard a story about a teenage girl who was left alone at a secluded country home one night while her parents were out of time. The house was pretty isolated, but her parents figured she'd be safe because they had a big scary guard dog they trained to protect the property. One night she was awakened by a dripping sound. She got up and went to turn off the tap properly after which she came back to bed while letting her hand hang over the edge as the dog licked her fingers. The dripping sound didn’t stop though so this scenario played out several more times with the girl returning to bed and falling asleep with the dog licking her fingers yet again. The final time, however, she decides to try locating where exactly the drip is coming from. She looks around only to find the sound emerging from within her cupboard. She opens it up to find her dog with its neck cut and a note saying “Panther fans can lick too”.
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Post #3 by senate » Sat Aug 17, 2013 9:58 pm

I heard another story about how a teenage girl was babysitting at night. She put the children to bed upstairs and went downstairs to do her homework. The phone rang, and she picked it up but there is only silence at the other end. She dismissed the call as a practical joke, but as she begun to hang up, a sinister voice suddenly said "Vanbiesbrouck." She asked who was there and the caller hung up. Rather than checking on the children, the teenager decided to ignore the call and went back to studying, because she was Asian. The stranger called back several times, each time becoming more persistent and aggressive saying things like "1996", "rat trick", "Mellanby", and "the part of Pavel Bure's career that no remembers other than his stint in New York".

Eventually the girl became so worried that she called the police, who ask her to wait for the man to call again, so that they can trace the call. When he called again, she managed to keep him talking for a few minutes about Roberto Luongo. When the police called back, they told her that the call was coming from a second line inside the house!

As she ran to the door she saw a man wearing a red, blue, and gold jersey carrying a bloody axe running down the stairs after her. She managed to make it outside into the waiting arms of police, who quickly arrested the man. The police then rushed upstairs and discovered that he had already killed the children. He was waiting for the girl to come upstairs.
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Post #4 by senate » Sat Aug 17, 2013 10:23 pm

My friend told me this happened to his brother’s friend’s aunt. One night she was driving home down a dark country road. Suddenly another car started tail gaiting her and flashing its high beams at her. She got really scared and tried to sped up, but the car kept catching up and flashing its lights. After a while it even started to ram the back of her car. Finally, she makes it to her drive way. She runs out of her car into her house, locks the door, and calls the police. When the police arrive they question the other driver and discover that he wasn’t try to attack her, he was trying to save her life! The other driver had noticed a Florida Panthers fan in the back seat of the girl’s car. Every time the Panthers fan sat up to swing a dead rat, the driver would flash his lights or bump the car.
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Post #5 by senate » Sat Aug 17, 2013 10:24 pm

Apparently this happened at a college in the Mid-West. The American Mid-West that is. Not Canada’s Mid-West, Manitoba. Anyway, a college girl returns to her dorm from a party. It is very late and she doesn’t want to wake up her roommate so she goes straight to bed without turning on the light. When she wakes up the next morning she rolls over to discover her roommate brutally murdered. Her body is in piece. On the wall, written in intestines suspended with thumb tacks is the phrase, “Remember the ’96 cup run?”
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Post #6 by senate » Sun Aug 18, 2013 8:25 pm

I heard if you die in the BB&T Center, you die in real life.
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Post #7 by Zardoz » Sun Aug 18, 2013 10:21 pm

Anne Frank is hiding in the gondola at BB&T Center.
[CENTER]Image[/CENTER]
[SIZE="1"]Bring us your idiots, your hussies, your blue and your dreamy. Your steady, your huddled, your fisted and creamy. Your villains, your filthy, your cunts and your meese. Your carpenters and fishers and pastors and beasts. Your rednecks, your Safas, your trolls and your Brits. And like all good sailors, we like us some tits.[/size]
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Post #8 by senate » Wed Aug 21, 2013 1:13 am

If you turn off all the lights, look into a mirror, and say "Scott Mellanby" three times while spinning around in a circle, then a Florida Panthers fan will appear in your reflection. Whatever you do, don't look into its eyes. If you do that it can exit the mirror and claim your sole. That's not a typo. It will steal one of your shoes.
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Post #9 by senate » Wed Aug 21, 2013 1:28 am

A babysitter taking care of two small children called their parents late in the evening to ask for permission to cover up the life-size Fllorida Panthers fan statue in the corner of the family room. "It's not that I don't like it," she said. "It just kind of freaks me out with nobody else here. It's hard to watch TV." The parents' reaction to her request freaked her out even more. "WHAT Florida Panthers fan statue?!!" they asked, frantically. "Dial 911! Call the police!! DO IT NOW!!!" they screamed. Then they returned to their swingers party, confident that they had done all they could do and that the situation would take care of itself. It didn't. The babysitter and children were never seen again. But luckily the children were insured for a surprisingly large amount. Enough to buy the parents a bigger house with a large, self-cleaning hot tub for their swinger parties.
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Post #10 by senate » Wed Aug 21, 2013 1:49 am

There was this travelling salesman who on a business, i.e. travelling making sales. One night he is looking to relax from another stressful day selling Encyclopedias Britannicae to a world that has Wikipedia so he goes to the hotel bar. He is drinking by himself and out of nowhere a pretty woman in a red dress comes up at starts flirting with him. The salesman is happily married, but very lonely because from his long sales trip. He flirts backs, thinking it harmless fun.

After several dirty Shirley Temples later, they are back in his room fucking each others brains out in ways that would make Sasha Grey blush. The next morning the salesman wakes up and the woman in red is gone. He goes to the bathroom and discovers written in lipstick "YOU BETTER GET TESTED".

Terrified, he rushes to the nearest free clinic, waits in line several hours, and gets a STD test. The results come back negative.

One month later he is back at home. His wife is opening the mail. She asks him, "Why did you buy Panthers season tickets with the Discover Card? Is that a work thing?" It hits him, the woman in red wasn't telling him to get an STD check, she was telling him to get a credit check! THE WOMAN IN RED WAS A PANTHERS FAN! She seduced him so that she could steal his credit card and buy season tickets so that her team could afford Tomas Fleischmann as a UFA! He breaks down in tears and tells his wife everything. They divorce six months later. During the divorce proceedings, an old high school crush contacts her on Facebook. One afternoon they meet for coffee. That night they meet again for dinner. Three months later they are married. They go on to have seven kids together. The salesman, on the other hand, hangs himself the day his divorce in Ramada Inn in Shreveport. Tomas Fleischmann scores twenty goals in his first season as a Panther.
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Post #11 by MP » Wed Aug 21, 2013 9:54 am

Why did he just say, "yes it was for work, helped close a big deal."
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Post #12 by senate » Wed Aug 21, 2013 2:35 pm

Masterplan wrote:Why did he just say, "yes it was for work, helped close a big deal."


A lying salesman? This isn't science fiction, Mr. Masterplan.
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Post #13 by MP » Wed Aug 21, 2013 2:46 pm

senate wrote:A lying salesman? This isn't science fiction, Mr. Masterplan.


He closed the deal didn't he?
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Post #14 by senate » Wed Aug 21, 2013 5:25 pm

No, the deal closed him.

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