Press Clippings: Canucks News Not Fit For It's Own Thead 3

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Press Clippings: Canucks News Not Fit For It's Own Thead 3

Post #1 by Vector » Wed Jun 25, 2014 1:15 pm

Last one got too big.

Proceed as usual.
SopelFan wrote:This is up there on his on his list of 40 injuries with the snake bite and the busted nut.
In reference to Salo hurting himself playing whiffleball.
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Post #2 by Tripwyre » Wed Jun 25, 2014 5:11 pm

This thread is the most successful thing I've ever started. Two sequels! Wow!
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Post #3 by Vector » Thu Jun 26, 2014 11:56 pm

Gino Odjick has been diagnosed with a terminal a disease. Given given between months to weeks to live.
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Post #4 by Ernie » Thu Jun 26, 2014 11:57 pm

how is this news not fit for its own thread
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Post #5 by Vector » Thu Jun 26, 2014 11:59 pm

Ernie wrote:how is this news not fit for its own thread


I'm on my phone and it is annoying starting a thread.
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Post #6 by Ernie » Fri Jun 27, 2014 12:13 am

I'm just bitter cause I started a thread with that info already before you posted, but because you're the big boss man you might delete it now.
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Post #7 by Dim Jim » Sun Jul 06, 2014 1:51 pm

** THE TRUTH ABOUT THE VANCOUVER CANUCKS. **

What's happened is the following.

In the late eighties or early nineties, members of the Vancouver Canucks have masqueraded themselves as federal officials and have appealed to both the Canada Post of British Columbia, and to a number of municipal banks, and have advised them that they have been a part of a federal mail censorship program. The program was rerouting mail through the banks for their own perusal, as they had many targetted pieces which they were not allowing to be sent on. They would appear at banks all over the province, still to this day, rifle through what had been routed through them, take things, and then allow whatever was left over to be passed on. This could include love letters, letters from realized long lost relatives, scholarships, university acceptance letters, federal official communications, prize winnings, job offers, summer camp invites, etc. They, and only they know where all of this mail has gone.

This is not all. Several years ago, it was decided among current, modern members of the team, that they would erect a platform that was organizing spy-based content in real time from inside of private residences across the province, including unknown private audio and video surveillance. This content was then made privately available on a subscription-based service for persons to privately watch, like a cable platform. The headquarters of this organized crime are in North Vancouver, and they are fortified in such a way as to see all the way into East Hastings of East Vancouver. The group organized here is rumoured to have been rersponsible for organizing the US Navy yard shootings that occurred several years ago.

For months, in my own investigation of these affairs, I have relied on compliance with a team of federal investigators for the duration in compliance with all of my information. For this, I am no longer seeking them directly and first out, and am instead electing to turn my attention to the public and to give them this information instead. They have also played with the people's lives that they have effected in such a way. For example, witnessing a 5 year old boy in a single instance, say that he could hear the voice of God, and from that moment onward, ensuring that that boy's family was being poisoned by Risperidone in their water supply in each and every house that they had ever moved into late into his adult life. For the Vancouver Canucks, hockey is a blood sport in the most literal of meanings that this phrase could possibly carry. They don't play hockey with pucks and hockey sticks, they play it with Our hearts and Our minds and Our childhood dreams and Our familial honor.

Sufficive to say, our vengeance untoward each and every person that has been involved in this will be quiet, and will have no bounds. This is not a warning, it is an open invitation.
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Post #8 by Dim Jim » Thu Jul 10, 2014 7:26 pm

This should be good.

http://www.amazon.com/Ice-Storm-Greatest-Vancouver-Canucks/dp/1771641312

In 2008, the Vancouver Canucks were Team Modern, revolutionizing the NHL under their new GM, former player agent Mike Gillis. Cool, calculating, and unsparing with the media, the onetime number one draft pick of the old Colorado Rockies swept away the tangled psychological past of the Canucks with bold innovation, remodeling Vancouver as a destination city for NHL star players. To do so, he built the Canucks from a non-playoff team in 2008 to the best in hockey from 2010-2012. He modernized the players' diets and psychological approach, he rebuilt the dressing room, and he sought sleep consultants to help with the Canucks' punishing travel schedule. More than that, his winning team lifted Vancouver from eighth overall in NHL revenues to second by 2013. When the team took to the ice for Game 7 of the 2011 Cup Final, it seemed there was nothing the Canucks couldn't overcome with their "Canucktivity" approach. The hockey world was at their feet.

But things changed in Game 7. Physically exhausted and bullied by the Bruins, the Canucks succumbed 4-0. To cap the greatest season in team history, Vancouver rioted. Gillis tried a number of aggressive moves to get back to the Final, from switching Luongo for Schneider to trading players, but nothing worked. From there, the dominoes fell: Alain Vigneault was dismissed, John Tortorella hired; Tortorella raged, fans bayed for Gillis' head; and finally, Gillis and Tortorella were both fired. In spring 2014, tried-and-true Canuck hero Trevor Linden was installed as president, with former teammate Jim Benning by his side as GM. No one was quite sure if this was an improvement, but at least the hysterical screaming had stopped.

How did it happen? Ice Storm follows the journey that led the Canucks from the top of the mountain to the bottom of the abyss in six short years.
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Post #9 by aptar » Thu Jul 10, 2014 7:41 pm

Well, that's not embarrassing at all.
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Post #10 by Tripwyre » Thu Jul 10, 2014 8:43 pm

I fully expected the author by-line to say "by prominent Vancouver lawyer and noted hockey-mind We T. Coaster", but Bruce Dowbiggin is close enough I guess.
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Post #11 by Ernie » Thu Jul 10, 2014 9:05 pm

Wetcoaster has cancer and might be dead.
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Post #12 by Tripwyre » Thu Jul 10, 2014 10:14 pm

Great news!
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Post #13 by Vector » Fri Aug 01, 2014 4:05 pm

Just stick with what we have you fucking losers.
SopelFan wrote:This is up there on his on his list of 40 injuries with the snake bite and the busted nut.
In reference to Salo hurting himself playing whiffleball.
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Post #14 by Tripwyre » Fri Aug 01, 2014 4:13 pm

There are seemingly a lot of people on Twitter who hate the orca logo as "corporate advertising for a past regime" or whatever, but I dunno, I kinda like it. Changing jerseys every eight years is a rite of passage for this franchise though.
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Post #15 by Cao » Fri Aug 01, 2014 5:04 pm

the johnny canuck logo sucks

plus we also don't have garrison anymore so what's the point
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Post #16 by aptar » Fri Aug 01, 2014 5:07 pm

The obvious solution is to keep reinventing new 3rd jerseys. That's a win win. They can put something new out without as much pressure of getting it right and let sales decide how effective it is. Then they can change it up a few years later, never impacting the primary branding.
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Post #17 by Cao » Fri Aug 01, 2014 5:10 pm

aptar wrote:The obvious solution is to keep reinventing new 3rd jerseys. That's a win win. They can put something new out without as much pressure of getting it right and let sales decide how effective it is. Then they can change it up a few years later, never impacting the primary branding.


No, that makes too much sense.
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Post #18 by Hooker » Fri Aug 01, 2014 10:33 pm

Go back to the dick in a box and keep it that way, please.
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Post #19 by Defeatist » Tue Aug 05, 2014 1:40 pm

Not gonna lie I would buy that jersey in a heartbeat
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Post #20 by Vector » Wed Aug 06, 2014 11:33 pm

Don Taylor is gone. I swear to god, I'll stab someone if they touch Garrett.

And Shorthouse.
SopelFan wrote:This is up there on his on his list of 40 injuries with the snake bite and the busted nut.
In reference to Salo hurting himself playing whiffleball.
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Post #21 by King Ryan » Wed Aug 06, 2014 11:37 pm

I hated Taylor.

God, I remember ripping on him at Boredz in 2003 or 2004 about how his schtick was so tired. That he was still doing it last year is mind-blowing.
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Post #22 by Hooker » Wed Aug 06, 2014 11:56 pm

Fuck that.
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Post #23 by Tripwyre » Thu Aug 07, 2014 5:23 pm

Donny and C-Mac both let go as Sportsnet "centralizes" their "content" in Toronto. I loved Taylor on Sports Page as a kid and he's a big reason why I do what I'm doing now. MacEwan was super nice to me while I was in school, too. Sad to see it, both from a personal and professional standpoint, but when you spend eleventy billion dollars scooping up a monopoly on hockey broadcasting, cuts have to be made somewhere...
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Post #24 by vf » Fri Aug 08, 2014 8:11 pm

Tripwyre wrote:Donny and C-Mac both let go as Sportsnet "centralizes" their "content" in Toronto. I loved Taylor on Sports Page as a kid and he's a big reason why I do what I'm doing now. MacEwan was super nice to me while I was in school, too. Sad to see it, both from a personal and professional standpoint, but when you spend eleventy billion dollars scooping up a monopoly on hockey broadcasting, cuts have to be made somewhere...


There's just zero motivation to hire anybody decent. We'll have Kyper and MacLean forever. :maw:
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Post #25 by Vector » Fri Aug 08, 2014 8:18 pm

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
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Post #26 by Ernie » Fri Aug 08, 2014 8:23 pm

This is OK as long as they fire Garry Valk too.

I don't know why people care about Taylor so much, he was cool 20 years ago but his schtick is pretty dated by now. He's the king of trivia but really doesn't have any further depth as an analyst.
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Post #27 by Ernie » Fri Aug 08, 2014 8:27 pm

Oh yeah, and his obsession with Hazel Mae's skirt is fucking creepy and wildly inappropriate in this day and age.
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Post #28 by Vector » Fri Aug 08, 2014 8:36 pm

I'm fine with all of them getting let go but Kypreos and MacLean are, somehow, worse. I don't watch highlights very often anyway. Can always just turn over to TSN and get done competent analysis.
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Post #29 by Tripwyre » Fri Aug 08, 2014 8:53 pm

The weird part is how Darren Millard is now the HNIC golden boy hosting national broadcasts numerous times per week? That guy is awful.
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Post #30 by King Ryan » Fri Aug 08, 2014 10:33 pm

Ernie wrote:This is OK as long as they fire Garry Valk too.

I don't know why people care about Taylor so much, he was cool 20 years ago but his schtick is pretty dated by now. He's the king of trivia but really doesn't have any further depth as an analyst.


Yeah. I mean sure, Kypreos and MacLean are awful, but that doesn't somehow make Taylor any less of a hack.
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Post #31 by aptar » Fri Aug 08, 2014 10:37 pm

I don't care about the personalities, but the point is it's supposed to be regionalized so we don't get fed pure, ignorant Toronto trash insight over and over.
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Post #32 by King Ryan » Fri Aug 08, 2014 11:11 pm

I don't understand why that matters. A turd is a turd regardless of what kind of asshole it came out of.
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Post #33 by Vector » Fri Aug 08, 2014 11:59 pm

King Ryan wrote:I don't understand why that matters. A turd is a turd regardless of what kind of asshole it came out of.


Of rather hear them talk about the Canucks than the Leafs.
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Post #34 by Ernie » Sat Aug 09, 2014 12:44 am

I'd take TSN analysts over Sportsnet analysts any day of the week, and they're based in Toronto.

I think that Scott Moore did a good job with CBC Sports and probably has a pretty good idea of what he wants to accomplish with Sportsnet.
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Post #35 by King Ryan » Sat Aug 09, 2014 1:03 am

I'm still not grasping this. Listening to idiots talk about the Canucks is no better (arguably worse?) than listening to idiots talk about the LEafs. Listening to idiots with a Toronto bias is no worse than .... I mean idiots are idiots. I don't want to hear idiots talk, period. Once an idiot is talking, who cares what the subject matter is?

Anyway, looks like it's just one of those things I'm not going to get so I'll leave it alone...
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Post #36 by aptar » Sat Aug 09, 2014 12:58 pm

Local idiots at least understand the market and team. It's awful listening to some hack talk to highlights he saw in his pajamas the morning after. And this team has been hurt more, reputation wise, from this kind of distant commentary than any other in the league.
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Post #37 by aptar » Sat Aug 09, 2014 1:00 pm

Ernie wrote:I'd take TSN analysts over Sportsnet analysts any day of the week, and they're based in Toronto.

I think that Scott Moore did a good job with CBC Sports and probably has a pretty good idea of what he wants to accomplish with Sportsnet.


That's because they play it safe on nearly every topic.
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Post #38 by Ernie » Sat Aug 09, 2014 5:25 pm

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Post #39 by Ernie » Sat Aug 09, 2014 5:28 pm

aptar wrote:That's because they play it safe on nearly every topic.


by which mean they make reasoned, intelligent analysis that isn't intended to whip up the fan base.

Put me down as someone who is a pretty sick of the local Canucks media scene.
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Post #40 by King Ryan » Sat Aug 09, 2014 6:02 pm

Ernie nails it. Comments like that are EXACTLY why networks hire clowns like Doug MacLean, because the peoples prefer loud-mouthed sensationalism over boring, "play it safe," reasonable opinions.
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Post #41 by Cao » Sat Aug 09, 2014 6:05 pm



seems like they have a thing for buying franchises with a history of crushing disappointment
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Post #42 by Tripwyre » Sat Aug 09, 2014 6:31 pm

Seriously, has Bob Mackenzie ever taken a stance on anything?

And Franny is just trying to monopolize human misery.
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Post #43 by King Ryan » Sat Aug 09, 2014 7:46 pm

Yep, definitely.

The sooner we move away from the screaming false-debate, fucking double-down horseshit, the better.
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Post #44 by Ernie » Sat Aug 09, 2014 8:25 pm

McKenzie has opinions. They're just well thought out opinions that you find yourself nodding your head in agreement with, not shaking your fist with rage. Obviously he tries to treat franchises fairly because he wants to be on good terms with them. But I'd rather have someone actually reporting on what is going on in the NHL instead of screaming ignorant opinions.
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Post #45 by aptar » Sat Aug 09, 2014 11:34 pm

Ernie wrote:by which mean they make reasoned, intelligent analysis that isn't intended to whip up the fan base.

Put me down as someone who is a pretty sick of the local Canucks media scene.


Right, but that's the point. We're not getting reasoned, intelligent analysis. If it's going to be silly, I'd prefer it at least came from a local commentator with some connection and awareness of the team.
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Post #46 by King Ryan » Sun Aug 10, 2014 12:11 am

Like seriously, someone doesn't like bob McKenzie. He's the only thing that's right about sports journalism.
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Post #47 by aptar » Sun Aug 10, 2014 11:09 am

Are you talking about me? I love the TSN guys. Best we have in Canada. I'm just pointing out they are universally liked not for their takes, but their lack of them. Never have a strong or controversial opinion (your example was pretty weak) and it's hard for anyone to dislike you.

They prop up a steady rotation of complementary throw away ex-players/coaches/executives to add some spice and debate, but always keep their main guys on a tight rope.
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Post #48 by King Ryan » Sun Aug 10, 2014 11:57 am

I was talking about Tripwyre, our sports journalist representative. Only in that clownship world is humility such a negative attribute.
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Post #49 by Hooker » Sun Aug 10, 2014 1:25 pm

The only interesting thing I can remember ever happening on TSN's panels is when Mike Peca said Bouwmeester was garbage during Bouwmeester's time in Calgary. It was shocking because:

  1. Someone was taking a negative stance on a player without that player throwing a check from behind or whatever.
  2. The party line on TSN was that Bouwmeester, at age 27ish, was still one of the league's hottest prospects.
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Post #50 by Ernie » Sun Aug 10, 2014 2:00 pm

Bouwmeester didn't suck. He was maybe a bit overpaid but was (and is) still a very good player.

Calgary sucked.

And yeah, I don't get why people find the loudmouths interesting.

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