Bachelor party advice

and other failures by our esteemed colleague Malthus
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Dog
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Post #51 by Dog » Thu Jan 16, 2014 5:16 pm

Good men that Cheese. Good men.
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Post #52 by Muffin Mannequin » Thu Jan 16, 2014 5:19 pm

Lord Chezz wrote:So I've been tasked with planning my buddy's bachelor party.

I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do but there is one snag- his bride to be has totally forbidden him from setting foot in a strip club.

So naturally, being the sharp guy I am, I figured we could bring the strippers to him.

Have any of you attended a bachelor party where an in house stripper made an appearance? If so, to what ridiculous levels did such an evening escalate?

I'm all for Good wholesome fun with strippers but I'd hate for things to escalate into a gang bang or a bukkake, considering buddy's bro will be there.



Dearest Chaz,

I have attended an "in house" strip club the house of the soon-to-be lucky man. Understandably, and unfortunately, the idea was not cleared with the soon-to-be bride. When she found out, her bachelorette limo was re-routed back to house, resulting in a minor, but sexy, wresting match with one of the strippers. After paying angry strippers (and not ever seeing them naked), the nights of both parties was effectively over, and the best man was no longer invited to the wedding.

The moral of the story is to make sure someone else gets blamed if things go sour.
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Post #53 by NyQuil » Thu Jan 16, 2014 6:18 pm

I'm not sure if I could be with a woman who was that possessive.
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Post #54 by BlackRedGold » Thu Jan 16, 2014 6:44 pm

Dog wrote:Strip clubs are only acceptable in festive situations like bachelors....and only when the mood is quite festive. Otherwise, yes they are sad, sad places.


I find them an odd combination of sad and hilarious. Or at least that's how it was when I was at one last year for my future brother-in-law's bachelor party. The strippers are sad and pathetic while the creepy regulars are hilarious with how they get so into nasty ugly strippers who reek of BO giving them lap dances.
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Post #55 by BlackRedGold » Thu Jan 16, 2014 6:45 pm

Muffin Mannequin wrote:Dearest Chaz,

I have attended an "in house" strip club the house of the soon-to-be lucky man. Understandably, and unfortunately, the idea was not cleared with the soon-to-be bride. When she found out, her bachelorette limo was re-routed back to house, resulting in a minor, but sexy, wresting match with one of the strippers. After paying angry strippers (and not ever seeing them naked), the nights of both parties was effectively over, and the best man was no longer invited to the wedding.

The moral of the story is to make sure someone else gets blamed if things go sour.


The wrestling match would be even better watching than a bunch of naked strippers. Especially if there was hair pulling.
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Post #56 by PredsFan77 » Thu Jan 16, 2014 8:10 pm

Lord Chezz wrote:So I've been tasked with planning my buddy's bachelor party.

I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do but there is one snag- his bride to be has totally forbidden him from setting foot in a strip club.

So naturally, being the sharp guy I am, I figured we could bring the strippers to him.

Have any of you attended a bachelor party where an in house stripper made an appearance? If so, to what ridiculous levels did such an evening escalate?

I'm all for Good wholesome fun with strippers but I'd hate for things to escalate into a gang bang or a bukkake, considering buddy's bro will be there.


We tried to find a midget stripper for one of my friends, but the closest we could find was in Atlanta and wanted us to pick up her travel and lodging. It was a shame.
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Post #57 by Dog » Thu Jan 16, 2014 8:12 pm

Lord Chezz wrote:Saving the world, 20 dollars at a time.


Une dance à 10 is 20 bucks now?

Holly hell!
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Post #58 by Macbeth » Thu Jan 16, 2014 11:27 pm

clawfirst wrote:If you do it right it will be.

I hear that if you kill the hooker after use you will not only have more money to spend on coke and booze but eliminate a witness of your infidelity.


I don't think Chezz wants to eliminate anything and honestly thinks he gets off on knowing his pal's marriage could go up in flames just like that.
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Post #59 by clawfirst » Thu Jan 16, 2014 11:29 pm

Saving the world so to speak
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Post #60 by Twitter bArt » Thu Jan 16, 2014 11:30 pm

clawfirst wrote:Saving the world so to speak


one $20 lap dance at a time
:mkbét::lr: :lr:

OOOH yeah life goes on, long after the thrill of Vinny is gone

It's too bad all the people that could really run the Habs are busy doing talk radio, writing blogs or posting on message boards.

Now, Lajoie is an imbecile, a cretin and a plagiarist, who to use author Dany Laferrière's deliciously withering expression, "lives beyond his intellectual means."

...as serious as a poutine shortage in Chicoutimi during a curling bonspiel...

Haddock wrote:I wouldn't know anything about that. I gave my soul up when I swore allegiance to the goddamn queen.


:lr: :lr: :lr:
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Post #61 by NyQuil » Fri Jan 17, 2014 12:28 am

PredsFan77 wrote:We tried to find a midget stripper for one of my friends, but the closest we could find was in Atlanta and wanted us to pick up her travel and lodging. It was a shame.


You could lodge her in a hamper.
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Post #62 by Dr_Chimera » Fri Jan 17, 2014 12:34 am

Lord Chezz wrote:I'm all for Good wholesome fun with strippers but I'd hate for things to escalate into a gang bang or a bukkake, considering buddy's bro will be there.


This never happens in this part of the world. You need Italians and real disco.
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Post #63 by Craig » Fri Jan 17, 2014 9:53 am

IcE ColD wrote:I share this opinion. But I would add that I hate paying double for a flat beer. Might as well watch Internet porn while drinking the beer that's in my fridge.


I also don't like paying bouncers just to sit down.
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Post #64 by SidorkiewiczsPeter » Sun Jan 19, 2014 11:24 am

I went to a strip club in Windsor with my best friend and his GF at the time, she ended up crying because "you could see everything" on the strippers. She's a lesbian now. True story.
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Post #65 by chicpea » Sun Jan 19, 2014 12:56 pm

SidorkiewiczsPeter wrote:I went to a strip club in Windsor with my best friend and his GF at the time, she ended up crying because "you could see everything" on the strippers. She's a lesbian now. True story.


Everything? Even their anular hole?
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Post #66 by SidorkiewiczsPeter » Sun Jan 19, 2014 1:30 pm

chiclet wrote:Everything? Even their anular hole?


Everything. It's why call Windsor the Bratislava of Canada.

Now that I think of it, I wonder if seeing all those vagina's is what turned her into a lesbian.
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Post #67 by Macbeth » Sun Jan 19, 2014 1:41 pm

SidorkiewiczsPeter wrote:Everything. It's why call Windsor the Bratislava of Canada.

Now that I think of it, I wonder if seeing all those vagina's is what turned her into a lesbian.


it wat turn me a lesben am i rite mate :D
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Post #68 by BlackRedGold » Mon Jan 20, 2014 10:51 am

SidorkiewiczsPeter wrote:Now that I think of it, I wonder if seeing all those vagina's is what turned her into a lesbian.


Or maybe it was the crabs and track marks.
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Post #69 by Craig » Mon Jan 20, 2014 1:22 pm

onefatsurfer wrote:We had strippers come to our fraternity house once. It was sad and weird.

Strip clubs are plenty fun, you guys are just doing it wrong. You need to save several hundred dollars for the club, then blow it all recklessly.


You just took it from sad to expensive and sad.
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Post #70 by MP » Mon Jan 20, 2014 1:41 pm

Lord Chezz wrote:Please explain in at least two paragraphs why it was sad and weird.


I'm guessing because they were all young single men and could do better for themselves at the bar for free, then the poor girl they hired to take her clothes off why they drooled and made rude comments all within the safety of the pack...?
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Post #71 by chicpea » Mon Jan 20, 2014 3:12 pm

Masterplan wrote:I'm guessing because they were all young single men and could do better for themselves at the bar for free, then the poor girl they hired to take her clothes off why they drooled and made rude comments all within the safety of the pack...?


You forgot, "...while jerking each other off."
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Post #72 by senate » Mon Jan 20, 2014 3:21 pm

chiclet wrote:You forgot, "...while jerking each other off."


It's not gay if it is hazing.
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Post #73 by BlackRedGold » Mon Jan 20, 2014 5:01 pm

onefatsurfer wrote:Everyone was very respectful, actually. I went to engineering school, so everyone was smart and a good guy. The strippers were pretty gross, but tried to get everyone into it.. They were trying to get people to come out of their shell but most of the guys just sat there watching while these girls did things to themselves and whatnot. The bouncer that came with them was way overprotective, and would jump in if you touched a titty even, so the few guys that tried to have fun with it got discouraged and just watched.


Should have ganged up on the bouncer dude and given him a beatdown.
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Post #74 by senate » Mon Jan 20, 2014 5:10 pm

onefatsurfer wrote:There were two bouncers. And we were engineering students (aka geeks). And the bouncers were roided up like mad.


And you couldn't MacGyver a simple weapon to overpower them? Some engineers you are.
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Post #75 by Dog » Mon Jan 20, 2014 8:27 pm

Did this happen yet?

DID YOU KILL A STRIPPER CHEESE???
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Post #76 by Dog » Mon Jan 20, 2014 10:36 pm

Lord Chezz wrote:It's only in July....


Answer the second question.

:squint:
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Post #77 by Shawnathan Horcoff » Mon Jan 20, 2014 10:47 pm

saw the gross one shoving a dildo into the other gross one, complete with "my vagina is so loose the only thing I feel is the burn of the rubber on my std outbreak, but I'll pretend like it's good" moans.


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Post #78 by Macbeth » Mon Jan 20, 2014 11:47 pm

onefatsurfer wrote:Everyone was very respectful, actually. I went to engineering school, so everyone was smart and a good guy. The strippers were pretty gross, but tried to get everyone into it.. They were trying to get people to come out of their shell but most of the guys just sat there watching while these girls did things to themselves and whatnot. The bouncer that came with them was way overprotective, and would jump in if you touched a titty even, so the few guys that tried to have fun with it got discouraged and just watched.

It just felt wrong in that setting.. And I felt like I was watching someone's mother slap her nasty fake titties around my buddy's face. I watched for like 10 minutes then left to play guitar hero. Came back later, saw the gross one shoving a dildo into the other gross one, complete with "my vagina is so loose the only thing I feel is the burn of the rubber on my std outbreak, but I'll pretend like it's good" moans. Watched that for a minute then left again. There was no pack mentality, just a bunch of guys looking at worn out vaginas getting violated by a toy that is now absolutely infested with herpes. After the show, everyone agreed it was a terrible idea.


onefatsurfer wrote:So, I guess, it was sad and weird because the strippers were gross, and actually dirty hookers. And we were way too moral and cared about not getting diseases that nobody had fun at all.


onefatsurfer wrote:We never did anything gay, nor were we ever hazed.


onefatsurfer wrote:There were two bouncers. And we were engineering students (aka geeks). And the bouncers were roided up like mad. And nobody really wanted to touch the strippers anyway.


:stare:

One of the sorriest series of posts I've read on here.

Well done, mate.
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Post #79 by Macbeth » Tue Jan 21, 2014 2:11 am

vonbonds wrote:How was this not one of Lifer's masterpieces?


This was clearly better worded. :mkbét:
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Post #80 by MP » Tue Jan 21, 2014 9:49 am

Macbeth wrote: :stare:

One of the sorriest series of posts I've read on here.

Well done, mate.


I tried to pump OFS's tires in the MVP, but nobody would listen... But then why would you listen to me when nobody even voted for me so...yeah. :squint:
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Post #81 by Twitter bArt » Tue Jan 21, 2014 4:52 pm

Masterplan wrote:I tried to pump OFS's tires in the MVP, but nobody would listen... But then why would you listen to me when nobody even voted for me so...yeah. :squint:


let it go. It's time to move on, MP.

there is always the mid-season rankings
:mkbét::lr: :lr:



OOOH yeah life goes on, long after the thrill of Vinny is gone



It's too bad all the people that could really run the Habs are busy doing talk radio, writing blogs or posting on message boards.



Now, Lajoie is an imbecile, a cretin and a plagiarist, who to use author Dany Laferrière's deliciously withering expression, "lives beyond his intellectual means."



...as serious as a poutine shortage in Chicoutimi during a curling bonspiel...



Haddock wrote:I wouldn't know anything about that. I gave my soul up when I swore allegiance to the goddamn queen.




:lr: :lr: :lr:
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Post #82 by Shawnathan Horcoff » Sat May 24, 2014 5:51 pm

Lord Chezz wrote:my buddy is marrying a body, not brains


[CENTER] :celtic2_1barca: [/CENTER]
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Post #83 by PredsFan77 » Sat May 24, 2014 6:07 pm

Lord Chezz wrote:
The bride to be softened her stance on it as she was under the impression that strip clubs were basically brothels where people get blown and fucked out in the open by whores.


Sounds like the bride knows where the parties are at.
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Post #84 by AD » Mon May 26, 2014 1:01 pm

At my own bachelor one stripper went down on another about a foot or so from my face, on stage.. but I didn't otherwise get to touch or smell or lick. Naturally.
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Post #85 by mayoradamwest » Tue May 27, 2014 8:59 pm

onefatsurfer wrote:people were flicking dollar bills into her axe wound. I actually felt shame about witnessing and not doing anything to defend her honor.


Should have offered her a sandwich.
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Post #86 by clawfirst » Mon Jun 23, 2014 12:01 pm

11- close the bar
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Post #87 by clawfirst » Mon Jun 23, 2014 12:37 pm

Too early for my dirt bag interests. I'd be mostly sober and ignore the whores.
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Post #88 by Dog » Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:16 pm

You're going to the whores from 8:30pm to 10pm?




Fucken english Canada....
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Post #89 by Dog » Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:40 pm

Your buddy married a stripper?
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Post #90 by Dog » Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:45 pm

Lord Chezz wrote:No, just married fat and haggard.


Idiot. You're supposed to become fat and haggard, not your wife.
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Post #91 by Dog » Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:46 pm

Why don't you fellows make it a weekend getaway to Monréal?
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Post #92 by AD » Mon Jun 23, 2014 3:09 pm

Dog wrote:You're going to the whores from 8:30pm to 10pm?




Fucken english Canada....


Lol.. exactly what I thought.

Which fantastic beauty starts her shift at 8pm??










I'm going to a weekend bachelor's party July 4-6th. In a secluded chalet in Tremblant. My crazy buddy is organising so I'm keeping the cops on speed dial.
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Post #93 by AD » Mon Jun 23, 2014 7:31 pm

Lord Chezz wrote:That when were doing my buddy's party.


:squint:
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Post #94 by MP » Tue Jun 24, 2014 9:25 am

AD wrote: :squint:


I'vegot a bachelor party in Calgary coinciding with the last weekend of Stampede. Should be a hoot!
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Post #95 by AD » Tue Jun 24, 2014 9:33 am

Hee haw.

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