NORM. IS. BACK.

Jackson Pollock's semen.
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Post #151 by PredsFan77 » Sat May 16, 2015 11:05 am

NORM ON LETTERMAN LAST NIGHT
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Post #152 by senate » Sat May 16, 2015 1:13 pm

[YOUTUBE]X9I9zafXQkk[/YOUTUBE]
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Post #153 by Dr_Chimera » Wed May 20, 2015 2:40 am

If only Norm showed that much love to his own son.
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Post #154 by PredsFan77 » Wed May 20, 2015 3:38 pm

Oooooooooo
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Post #155 by PredsFan77 » Mon Aug 17, 2015 1:48 pm

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Post #156 by Dr_Chimera » Mon Aug 17, 2015 2:36 pm

Like Willie Mays in the twilight of his career.
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Post #157 by senate » Thu Aug 18, 2016 10:48 pm

"Will somebody please give Norm Macdonald another TV show?" https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/entertainment/norm-macdonald/
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Post #158 by Dr_Chimera » Thu Aug 18, 2016 11:21 pm

Says he will do the podcast again.
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Post #159 by PredsFan77 » Fri Aug 19, 2016 3:33 am

Bring back super Dave
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Post #160 by edgar_dong » Fri Aug 19, 2016 9:33 pm

Set us up with some smilies of Norm reading the paper and sipping his water.
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Post #161 by edgar_dong » Fri Aug 26, 2016 10:25 pm

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Post #162 by edgar_dong » Tue Aug 30, 2016 1:40 pm

Neil Macdonald on brother Norm's confessions of a cult leader Image

I have an aunt named Ida. She's the widow of my late Uncle Basil, nearly 100 years old, and very religious, and has managed to live her extremely long and virtuous life out of the pitiless public spotlight.

At least until now.

Because she's also my brother Norm's aunt. And Norm has just written a strange meta-memoir in which Aunt Ida and Uncle Basil make a cameo appearance, along with most of the rest of my relatives.

They appear (well, actually, they don't appear, which is the point) in a chapter where Norm and one of his comedy confederates have a bad car accident, and Norm finds himself facing the "white, white light," being entreated by his deceased Uncle Bert and Aunt Barbara and his old dog Tracker, and his first girlfriend, Anna, to let go of life and join them in the hereafter.

At the last moment, though, Norm cries "Hey, where's Uncle Basil, and Aunt Ida?"

If this is the gateway to heaven, they would for sure be here, too. Even though Aunt Ida is, you know, still with us.

At that point, Uncle Bert and Aunt Barbara and Tracker and Anna fall silent, and Norm begins to recall that they were all suspected of hideous crimes while they were alive, and they turn into a snarling, fanged "circle of the damned," and Norm barely makes it back to the blood-soaked snowbank beside his wrecked car.

I'm not really sure how Aunt Ida will take all this once the book is published next month (I have an advance copy), but I thought it was pretty funny.

Then again, I've always thought Norm was pretty funny. I got him.

I got it when he, at age 11, was summoned to our living room along with me and my other brother by our father, the school vice-principal, to be introduced to Mr. Becker, the new Grade 6 teacher who moved his lower lip so weirdly when he talked.

There we stood, in our short pants and clip-on ties after Sunday church service, as Mr. Becker, his lower lip moving weirdly, greeted us, one by one: "Hello, Neil. Hello, Leslie. Hello, Norman."

"Hello, Mr. Becker," replied Norm, his lower lip moving weirdly, a perfect Becker impression. My father's upper lip twitched, showing his gold tooth, which was always a bad sign, and I knew it would be bad for Norm later.

But I was in awe. While both of us had already mastered the Becker impression, Norm actually went for the laugh in front of a hostile audience.

Comedy, he writes in the memoir, must always surprise, never pander.

Mr. Becker didn't get it. I'm not sure our father did, either, until much, much later. In fact, a lot of people don't get Norm, which is the point of his memoir.

It's titled Based on a True Story, because, as he declares in the first chapter, human memory precludes a truly true story. (Meaning he made up a lot of it; there was no Uncle Bert or Aunt Barbara or Tracker or Anna.)

It's the tale of a kid who starts in a basement comedy club in Ottawa (true) and climbs all the way to Saturday Night Live (true), then sinks into relative obscurity, because for some reason, he just doesn't catch on (somewhat true).

"I quickly developed a cult following," he says, which, he adds, is fine if you're an actual cult leader, because people worship you and give you their wealth and do whatever you tell them and have sex with you whenever you want, but "being a standup comedian with a cult following just means that most folks hate your guts."

What follows is what the cultists will understand, but may leave others puzzled: anecdotes from the life and rich imagination of an aging ingenue who stumbles through life failing to understand the world's venality, or even his own.

Imprisoned for drug possession (didn't happen), he launches into a disquisition about prison rape, which he thinks is rude and intrusive and absolutely the worst thing about prison.

Falling in love and lust with Sarah Silverman (might have happened), who also makes rape jokes and started with him as a writer at SNL — "she made exactly the same salary as I did, minus the thirty per cent they automatically took off on account of she was a woman" — he asks her out to dinner: "And then I will take you to my bed and we will be like swine."

Silverman gets a restraining order (don't think that happened), then quits the show after a year because she'd attracted a stalker.

"This caught me completely by surprise, as I had taken to hanging around Sarah's apartment, hiding in the bushes, watching her come and go, and I had never seen any signs of a stalker."

On Rodney Dangerfield, a friend and personal hero (quite true): "The ugly little secret in Hollywood is that Rodney Dangerfield never got any respect."

He provides the 25 funniest jokes ever uttered on SNL's Weekend Update, 24 of them his. Including the one about O.J. Simpson's lawyer donning in court the knitted cap prosecutors said Simpson wore the night of the murders: "Hey, hey, careful with that," blurted O.J. "That's my favorite stabbing cap."

Cultists will also enjoy his bizarre reverse account of his famous firing from SNL; it wasn't for the O.J. jokes, as everyone assumed, he explains, but rather because he accepted the jury verdict and realized O.J. was innocent and that his O.J. jokes were unconscionable, and he refused to keep doing them, despite the urging of NBC vice-president Don Ohlmeyer, a pal of O.J.'s: "While O.J. Simpson had proven himself to be the greatest rusher, I had proven myself to be the greatest rusher to judgment."

If that sounds strange, remember who's writing it. I thought the explanation was brilliant.

Oh, and he provides the long version of the moth joke … nearly two pages long. Cultists will rejoice.

Anyway, I doubt Aunt Ida will think much of this book.

I also know for a fact he hasn't really been reduced to snagging bad standup gigs: "I am old and I am fat and … they stand beside me and take pictures, the way you would with a donkey at the side of the road."

Actually, I've known Norm for nearly 57 years, and still can't say I know what he really thinks.

But there's one line in this book that distills it all, and it's in the language of the compulsive gambler, which Norm is. His friends say he won and lost $1 million in a single Vegas night.

"If you're at the table and you're rolling them bones," he advises, "there's no money in playing it safe."

Most of us have. He hasn't.
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Post #163 by Dr_Chimera » Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:37 pm

So Norm is really 57 years old? I thought he was bullshitting about that.
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Post #164 by edgar_dong » Tue Aug 30, 2016 9:21 pm

"While O.J. Simpson had proven himself to be the greatest rusher, I had proven myself to be the greatest rusher to judgment."
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Post #165 by PredsFan77 » Tue Aug 30, 2016 9:31 pm

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Post #166 by Dr_Chimera » Wed Aug 31, 2016 7:15 pm

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Post #167 by PredsFan77 » Wed Aug 31, 2016 9:53 pm

SUPER DAVE SUPER DAVE
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Post #168 by Dr_Chimera » Fri Sep 09, 2016 1:47 pm

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Post #169 by PredsFan77 » Fri Sep 09, 2016 5:24 pm

it was horrible then and it's worse now. tried to pretend that never happened
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Post #170 by Dr_Chimera » Thu Sep 15, 2016 1:05 pm

Stephen Merchant is the first guest of this season.
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Post #171 by Dr_Chimera » Thu Sep 15, 2016 6:19 pm



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Post #172 by vonbonds » Thu Sep 15, 2016 11:52 pm

God bless your Canadian treasure
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Post #173 by edgar_dong » Fri Sep 16, 2016 12:34 am

His book ships in like ten days, I believe.

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Post #174 by edgar_dong » Fri Sep 16, 2016 1:11 am

And he was on Fallon tonight with Trump. :stare: :stare: :stare:
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Post #175 by PredsFan77 » Fri Sep 16, 2016 10:52 am

FALLON: stick around becase when we come back im gona be playing Twister with David duke and jared fogle
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Post #176 by Dr_Chimera » Fri Sep 16, 2016 12:56 pm

edgar_dong wrote:And he was on Fallon tonight with Trump. :stare: :stare: :stare:


This is surreal.

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Post #177 by Dr_Chimera » Fri Sep 16, 2016 1:23 pm

Now people are turning up dead in Norm's house. http://www.tmz.com/2016/09/16/norm-macd ... on-friend/

This might be bad news for the podcast.
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Post #178 by PredsFan77 » Fri Sep 16, 2016 5:09 pm

I would've bet all the money in my wallet if a dead guy was found at norm's house and it wasn't Norm, it would be Eget or Artie.
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Post #179 by PredsFan77 » Tue Sep 20, 2016 7:55 am

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Post #180 by Dr_Chimera » Fri Sep 23, 2016 4:37 pm



Norm claims that he has podcast episodes "in the can" and that they taped ones with Bobby Lee, Margaret Cho and Bill Hader.

Not exactly an all-star lineup, but episodes with famous people are usually the worst ones.
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Post #181 by Dr_Chimera » Mon Sep 26, 2016 7:54 pm

Man, Bill Hader is remarkably uninteresting.
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Post #182 by edgar_dong » Sat Oct 15, 2016 10:55 am

All the Normaniacs have seen this by now, but it is important to log it.

Norm MacDonald Talks Chekhov

Norm Macdonald, the comedian and former “Saturday Night Live” cast member, who lives in Los Angeles, recently visited New York. One morning, he was drinking coffee at a table in Bryant Park, wearing a red polo shirt from the Shadow Creek golf course, in Las Vegas. He had just made an appearance on “Fox & Friends,” where he talked about his new and largely fictional memoir, “Based on a True Story,” and about the breakup of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. He then walked through Times Square, reflecting on his anxiety that, having now read half of the first volume of “In Search of Lost Time,” he might have chosen the wrong translation. A section of Forty-second Street was closed, because of a bomb scare, and the atmosphere in Champs Sports, at the edge of the cordoned area, was not restful. Macdonald left without buying anything; he wondered if Champs was the smallest sports store in the world.

In the park, Macdonald considered two plans: one was to rent an apartment in New York for a few months next spring; the other was to go to college. “I always wanted to be educated, and always envied educated people,” he said. He prefers long-dead authors, but said that his son, who is twenty-three, and who has published poetry and short stories, had recently persuaded him to try Raymond Carver. “And Carver really reminded me of Chekhov, whose work I love,” he said. Macdonald had tickets for a matinée preview of “The Cherry Orchard” that afternoon; this was only the third or fourth time he’d been to the theatre.

The operator of the Bryant Park carrousel began to remove overnight covers that protect the horses. Macdonald, who is fifty-six, and whose performances have a sort of sunny nihilism, talked about Chekhov’s stories. “I like the endings where nothing happens. And I like bleakness, because I grew up in a bleak area,” he said. (In Quebec, then Ontario.) “There is one story about a guy who’s on a boat, who’s dying, on this long, long trip. And everyone’s taunting him, about dying, you know: ‘You’re going to be dead soon.’ ” Macdonald laughed. “So, anyways, the guy dies, and then Chekhov continues the story. They put him in a kind of duffelbag, a sack, and throw him overboard. He sinks in the ocean, his dead body. And one fish grazes against him, rips the sack, and his body tumbles out, and a bunch of minnows come and eat little bits of him. And a big fish comes and takes away his legs, and that’s the end.” (Some of these details are not in the original.) “You sort of go, ‘What? It’s still going on? The guy’s dead. He’s still asked to endure these indignities!’ It’s a really cruel ending, and I like that.”

Macdonald jerked his head to one side. “That bird almost hit me in the face, like Fabio on the roller coaster,” he said.

Macdonald, who includes imaginary fistfights in his memoir, and in his comedy, said that there was “a kind of joy” in the real thing. “If you punch a guy, and it doesn’t hurt your fist or anything, and he just falls—I don’t know, but it’s fun,” he said. “One time I was in a fight—I was nineteen or twenty—and the guy was short, but he was strong, and he kept hitting me and hitting me. So I got in closer and embraced him, and I pushed down, and his head hit the cement. I picked him up, and then the head hit the cement again. And then the terrible terrible part was: I picked him up again, and he was limp, and I hit him against the cement. Which, at that point, I guess, was . . . murder, attempted murder, or something. So I just went home, and I was so scared. I was thinking, God, I hope he didn’t die, I hope he’s O.K.” Macdonald was laughing. “And he was O.K. We were both having sex with a girl who was married to another guy. So we were both bad.”

He walked back to his hotel; in the lobby, he read a text message on his phone. “Fucking Louis C.K.,” he said, half-seriously. “He always wants to meet and then he’s, ‘Nope, can’t do it.’ ” C.K., a friend, was asking if they could change a plan, and meet that afternoon, at a time when Macdonald would be seeing “The Cherry Orchard.” “How do I lie my way out of this?” Macdonald asked, putting the phone back in his pocket. A moment later: “The truth! I never considered the truth.”
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Post #183 by PredsFan77 » Sat Oct 15, 2016 3:35 pm

I'm suprised the new yorker didn't mention he got fired from SNL for making fun of heisman trophy winner OJ Simpson
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Post #184 by senate » Sat Oct 15, 2016 9:01 pm

He did a pretty good interview on the Nerdist podcast this week: http://nerdist.com/nerdist-podcast-norm-macdonald/
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Post #185 by Dr_Chimera » Fri Nov 11, 2016 8:17 pm

RIP Clinton dynasty.

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Post #186 by vonbonds » Fri Nov 11, 2016 10:16 pm

That was some amazing material. Norm is a gift
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Post #187 by Dr_Chimera » Mon Nov 14, 2016 11:50 pm

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Post #188 by edgar_dong » Tue Nov 15, 2016 5:14 pm

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Post #189 by Dr_Chimera » Thu Feb 02, 2017 11:20 pm

16:16

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Post #190 by senate » Fri Feb 17, 2017 1:01 am

Norm did the colour commentary for the Indoor Football League season opener. I don't know why. I didn't even know the Indoor Football League existed. What the hell happened to the Arena Football League?

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Post #191 by PredsFan77 » Sun Mar 19, 2017 6:53 pm

AFL still exists, this is probably a second/third tier league?
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Post #192 by edgar_dong » Mon Apr 17, 2017 3:58 pm

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Post #193 by Dr_Chimera » Wed Apr 26, 2017 5:58 pm

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Post #194 by PredsFan77 » Fri May 05, 2017 8:52 pm

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Post #195 by Dr_Chimera » Sat May 06, 2017 2:11 am

I have him on mute most of the time. Genius/doofus.
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Post #196 by PredsFan77 » Sun May 07, 2017 12:19 pm

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Post #197 by Dr_Chimera » Wed May 10, 2017 3:10 am

I'll give Norm's new Netflix special another spin tomorrow. But I didn't love it on the first listen. A lot of old jokes and nothing as boundary-pushing and hilarious as what he had in his previous mainstream standup release.

Hopefully Norm Live returns soon because I like that much better. The Stephen Merchant episode was among Norm's best work. I hear Netflix made him postpone the episodes by signing him to a contract.
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Post #198 by PredsFan77 » Wed May 10, 2017 6:23 pm

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Post #199 by PredsFan77 » Wed May 10, 2017 6:42 pm

reusing his conan/letterman lsd bit
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Post #200 by PredsFan77 » Wed May 10, 2017 6:51 pm

i feel like I've heard most of these bits already?
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