My body is unseemly

and other failures by our esteemed colleague Malthus
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Dr_Chimera
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My body is unseemly

Post #1 by Dr_Chimera » Fri Sep 14, 2018 12:04 am

Jesus Christ, it is fucking hideous. Caught myself in a mirror today at the mall, from a corner of my eye and gollee - not a pretty picture. Maybe not Beaker-level ugly, but still.

I do have my hair, but everything else is going to shit as I grow older.

That and I'm dumber than a donkey's asshole.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #2 by shredz » Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:22 am

I ammmm too sexy for this thread. Too sexy to hit submit. Too sexy, I fit in shirts.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #3 by PredsFan77 » Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:33 am

maybe try and exercise
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #4 by shredz » Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:38 am

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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #5 by Dr_Chimera » Fri Sep 14, 2018 11:03 am

PredsFan77 wrote:maybe try and exercise


Oh hell no
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #6 by Retardé S » Fri Sep 14, 2018 4:50 pm

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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #7 by Dr_Chimera » Fri Sep 14, 2018 5:16 pm

My 40s are gonna be a fucking shitshow. Probably going to grow into a big fat whale like Orson Welles, but without the nice voice or charisma.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #8 by shredz » Fri Sep 14, 2018 5:29 pm

Image
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #9 by Dr_Chimera » Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:43 pm

Me at parties.

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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #10 by AD » Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:44 pm

Dr_Chimera wrote:My 40s are gonna be a fucking shitshow. Probably going to grow into a big fat whale like Orson Welles, but without the nice voice or charisma.


He also has a pretty face. Prettier than yours I'm just assuming. You could be very facially harmonious but chances are, Orson has you beat there too.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #11 by Dr_Chimera » Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:47 pm

AD wrote:He also has a pretty face. Prettier than yours I'm just assuming. You could be very facially harmonious but chances are, Orson has you beat there too.


Orson was a hot piece of ass.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #12 by shredz » Fri Sep 14, 2018 8:24 pm

Orson Swelles here with my latest on dessert, course twelve.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #13 by senate » Fri Sep 14, 2018 8:55 pm

Dr_Chimera wrote:
PredsFan77 wrote:maybe try and exercise


Oh hell no


Two words: synthol oil
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #14 by MP » Fri Sep 14, 2018 10:08 pm

Dr_Chimera wrote:
PredsFan77 wrote:maybe try and exercise


Oh hell no

Crystal meth seems to work for weight loss...
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #15 by Dr_Chimera » Sat Sep 15, 2018 12:22 am

My hero.

Image

Welles leaves his Army physical after being judged unfit for military service (May 6, 1943).
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #16 by Dr_Chimera » Sat Sep 15, 2018 12:52 pm

This is the new standard in male beauty. I simply can't compete.

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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #17 by shredz » Sat Sep 15, 2018 12:54 pm

Standard where? Peter Gunn's house?
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #18 by Dr_Chimera » Sat Sep 15, 2018 1:02 pm

My ass looks like Tommy Lee Jones's ass.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #19 by shredz » Sat Sep 15, 2018 1:06 pm

Quick! To the Fatmobile! Two-Cheek escaped Gotham Penitentiary!
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #20 by chicpea » Sat Sep 15, 2018 2:41 pm

Dr_Chimera wrote:This is the new standard in male beauty. I simply can't compete.

Image


I sent you that very chain last year.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #21 by shredz » Sat Sep 15, 2018 2:48 pm

chicpea wrote:
Dr_Chimera wrote:This is the new standard in male beauty. I simply can't compete.

Image


I sent you that very chain last year.



:stare:
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #22 by PredsFan77 » Sun Sep 16, 2018 6:55 am

what does TOmmy lee jones' ass look like?
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #23 by shredz » Sun Sep 16, 2018 12:51 pm

Two genetically modified giant Apriums.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #24 by Dr_Chimera » Mon Sep 17, 2018 8:10 pm

I have grown a huge fucking face all of a sudden like Will fucking Wheaton.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #25 by shredz » Tue Sep 18, 2018 9:55 am

Image
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #26 by senate » Tue Sep 18, 2018 10:23 am

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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #27 by shredz » Tue Sep 18, 2018 11:15 am

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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #28 by AD » Tue Sep 18, 2018 8:27 pm

Look up Orson's marshmallow peeps ad.

And then thank me gentlemen (preferably through some form of fake rep mechanism)
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #29 by PredsFan77 » Wed Sep 19, 2018 4:00 am

Image
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #30 by shredz » Wed Sep 19, 2018 8:23 am

Welles in Newsweek. Come on Doc, call him a CIA patsy now.

16 examples of Welles whoring himself out before he dies by Newsweek - https://www.newsweek.com/16-hilarious-e ... ing-329227

Thank me now. Before even clicking hit that: Image

Image
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #31 by shredz » Sat Sep 29, 2018 8:34 am

Looking healthy yet, Doc?
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #32 by shredz » Sat Sep 29, 2018 10:25 am

flâ·neur wrote:Looking healthy yet, Doc?


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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #33 by shredz » Sat Sep 29, 2018 10:49 am

: )
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #34 by Dr_Chimera » Mon Oct 01, 2018 1:42 pm

Could we ban flanuer from my thread plz? Craig?
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #35 by Craig » Mon Oct 01, 2018 2:34 pm

I don't think we can do that any more. That was an old broads feature.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #36 by shredz » Tue Oct 02, 2018 11:15 am

I can only delete one post in a thread? I'm trying to help my pal Chimera out.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #37 by Dr_Chimera » Tue Oct 02, 2018 11:30 am

One day I shall be thin and you will still be the director of the brown bunny.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #38 by shredz » Tue Oct 02, 2018 11:34 am

Pray my metabolism slows down. I'm honestly surprised I am not a fucking whale. I'm 5'11 185.

Figure a few years from now I'll be fucked, bobbing for meatballs in marinara sauce.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #39 by Dr_Chimera » Fri Oct 05, 2018 10:08 pm

Stuffing my huge fat face with eggrolls rn.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #40 by vonbonds » Mon Oct 08, 2018 9:08 pm

Egg rolls is a great name for a registered nurse
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #41 by shredz » Wed Oct 10, 2018 11:09 am

The Chimera is the daughter of Greek monster gods Typhon and Echidna; its siblings include the Sphinx, Cerberus, and Ladon.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #42 by shredz » Wed Oct 10, 2018 12:25 pm

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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #43 by Dr_Chimera » Thu Oct 11, 2018 10:52 pm

I love bears. This here is my favorite one, and the writeup on him is hilarious.



This bear is a dominant adult male. He can walk normally, but his stiff-legged gait is purposeful. He’s “cowboy walking” (no joke, that’s what it’s called) to display his size and dominance. While he cowboy walks, he’s also urinating on the ground to mark his presence in the area. He rubs his back on the tree for the same reason. His gait, the cowboy walk, is intended to show other bears that he is dominant.
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Re: My body is unseemly

Post #44 by mayoradamwest » Fri Oct 12, 2018 9:31 am

Christina Aigulera would like to remind you that you are beautiful no matter what they say, and words can't bring you down.


Hugs.

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